So, who here has watched “Lord of the Rings”?

Who remembers King Theodon and his evil side kick minister “Wormtongue?  King Theodon lost the ability to think clearly, to be truly himself due to the toxic whisperings from his Minister Wormtongue.  No matter what experiences the King had, they were constantly overshadowed by the evil enchantment of Wormtongue.

King Theodon second guessed everything about himself and others, to the point that he became a shell of his former self, drowned by the poison of the critical Minister.

It’s a bit like the way our inner critic arrives, and gradually takes up in residence within us.  It grooms its way into our mind and body, starting off as a trusted advisor, and gradually

gaslighting us into believing, that who we are is all wrong.

I was talking about this very thing today in a meeting with an incredibly astute and accomplished businessperson.

We both appeared for a meeting with our game face on……you know the one!  It’s the one where you make a point of standing tall, with a smile on your face and greet the person warmly, while exuding an air of assertiveness to hide any underlying feelings of anxiety, inferiority, imposter syndrome, or any other perceived flaw you may   be judged on.

For those out there who know me, I have worn that suit till it was thread bare, and when you meet me now, I show you me, just as I am here and now.  Don’t get me wrong, I still hear the rumblings of that shadowy voice whispering through the cracks, but it does not envelop me the way it used to.

So, tell me about yourself?  That’s how it starts off in meetings doesn’t it?  Maybe there’s a bit of, ‘How has your morning or day been’? chit chat, while both anticipating stepping on the trap door of vulnerability.

He was feeling the same way!

The older I get the more I realise, we all experience a visit from “Wormtongue” in our lifetime. Whether it’s that visitor who drops in every now and again unannounced, and never knows when to leave without being shown the door, or the squatter who threatens to reap havoc on your life.

Until we acknowledge WE, just as we are, all parts of us, all our life experiences the good, the bad and the ugly are invaluable to this world, the shadow of Wormtongue will continue to plague our growth and potential.

There is an interesting shift that happens when you realise someone accepts you just as you are.  It’s something that is beyond words and feelings.  It’s an energetic shift, like a change in the direction of the wind, or when the heat of the sun softens the sinews of your body as it warms the air around you.

 

It’s that hug of reassurance we call validation and it starts in child hood.

Unfortunately, we don’t all receive positive validation.  It’s a part of our growth and evolution that we carry the dark echoes of our parents, their parents, teachers, neighbours, peers, work colleagues with us like invisible clamps that hijack our life support system when we try to express our needs.

The wounding words often said without realising the effect soak into the very fabric of our being, until what once belonged to another suddenly feels like it’s ours.

And the birthing of Wormtongue begins.

How was the evil Minister vanquished?

Forgiveness and acceptance, after a long arduous and war torn battle.  The King was freed from the grips of the illusions and enchanted words of another.  They no longer held any power over someone who has  accepted  his true self.

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